Most of us carry a passenger. A voice perched on our shoulder, watching and criticizing everything we do. It might sound like a parent, society, or the lifestyle we wish we belonged to. And it's there, always ready with an idea of who we are.
Recently I had dinner with a dear friend. She was telling me about someone she keeps going back to. A man she knows isn't good for her. And then she called herself a name I won't repeat here. (Heyyy h… ahem)
I stopped her, because that's not what I saw or who I know. I saw a woman who was doing her best, and sometimes lonely. A woman with the biggest heart, who can see past someone's insecurities and wounds yet still find the part of him she genuinely connects with. She was looking through the eyes of the voice on her shoulder. I was looking at her.
I know a bit about this from the other side. Very often people decide who I am before I've said a word. Some see the "celebrity psychic." Some expect a guru in flowing robes. Then they meet me and find a regular guy who just came to dinner.
I want to share a mirror someone held up for me. I went to see Jon Batiste at the Beacon Theatre. A moving and spectacularly spiritual experience. At one point he was singing about the light inside every one of us, and he got so into it that his chair went flying back and he was pounding his piano. Tears just started streaming down my face. No particular emotion. Pure energy moving through me.
My friend turned to me and said, "That's you, Tony. The only difference is, he owns it."
I couldn't understand it until it was said out loud. Reflected back to me.
This morning I woke up with a feeling I hadn't had in a long time. Hope. I hadn't realized how much faith I'd lost along my journey, in the world and in humanity.
And I know not everyone woke up feeling that way. Right now, a lot of people are feeling unseen. Left out. Looked at through someone else's lens. The voice on the shoulder can be loud.
November is the season of harvest and of giving thanks. A time to gather in what we've grown. What if part of this harvest is how we see ourselves, and each other?
Gratitude spoken out loud is a mirror. When you thank someone for who they are, you show them something they may not be able to see.
This month, I'm inviting you to do two things. Notice who's sitting on your shoulder. Is it a voice of truth, or a critic from the past?
BE the clear mirror for someone else.
A few ways to start:
Be kinder and gentler with yourself.
Let go of the need to be perfect. (You can't win that one, trust me.)
Follow through on the promises you've made to yourself.
Do something just for yourself, like going to see a movie.
Share a bit of yourself with people you LOVE, without expecting something back.
Open up to receiving as much as you give.
Lastly, when you see something beautiful in someone, say it. Let that be part of your gratitude practice this season.
I am so grateful for you. Thank you.
LOVE your way
Create a beautiful day
T