A Little Bit Louder…Trust! June 2016
So, I've got to admit a few things.... I have the most incredible clients. I am profoundly blessed. You guys make it really easy to get up in the morning. I am gifted everyday knowing that I will meet, learn, and embrace something new everyday. You are openhearted, sensitive, generous and kind. You give back to the world around you. You are a good friend who has the capacity to listen and to be there for others. Who you choose to be in life is reflected in the world you create/attract around you.
I'm not going to lie, the Narcissus in me says "Well, of course they are... you know, Tony, that like attracts like," he says filing his nails. (I admit, I try to keep him in his room but he likes to come out to play sometimes.)
Being openhearted and sensitive has its pros and cons. On the one hand, we are the Kings and Queens of empathy. We have the ability to recognize the needs of others. We can be vulnerable enough to allow for people around us to know that we are a safe haven, a place where they can open their own hearts to be their most authentic selves. Intuitively, we know, it's from this safe place where great healing and/or magic can happen.
And... On the other hand, being openhearted and sensitive has some super-annoying side effects. Being vulnerable can open us up to the possibility of being hurt. Hidden away in our memory are little critters of insecurity, shame, guilt and embarrassment. They come to the surface seemingly to down us. When we are going through something really intense, most of us decide to muscle through it alone. We do this for a whole host of reasons: "I don't want to bother anyone with this small thing." "I really can handle this on my own." "This is stupid... This shouldn't bother me... If I ask for help, I am going to look weak." "Oh this is not a good look!" Embarrassment. "It's so much easier for us to be there for someone, than it is to allow someone else to be there for us.
The truth is, receiving is a gift. I know that for me, when I give anything a physical gift, a gift of my time, a simple yet toothy smile. :-D, I am rewarded just knowing that I added a little light into someone's day. I have had to learn to receive those same gifts in return. In allowing someone to be there for you, you are giving them a gift as well.
Any and all relationships take work. What is most essential is a balance of giving and receiving. The trick for everyone involved is to be open to receiving as well as to giving, and vice versa. Balance is created when we use compassion, empathy and vulnerability. Being present and open helps us to know which is required: to give or to receive; to speak or to listen; to act or to wait. This is a delicate balance, achieved only by being present and in the moment, foregoing what you want or expect and allowing for what is needed.
You know what else is needed?
Trust
Yup... let me say it again
Trust
(A little bit louder now)
TRUST
If we look at why we are not:
*Hugging after a disagreement
*Touching our partner
*Speaking our truth
*Asking for what we desire
*Being there for someone in need
*Allowing joy
*Calling after a great date
*Owning our own mistakes
*Apologizing for the smallest hurt
*Saying I miss you
*Letting someone help
*Accepting any change
*Etc.
(You fill in the blank.)
It's because there is a lack of trust.
The thing about trust is that it is something that is built over time. Yet I find that trust is something that we have to build within ourselves as well.
Here are some self-trust builders:
*Be nicer and gentler with yourself.
*Let go of the need to be absolutely perfect.
(You can't win that one, trust me)
*Follow through on the promises you've made to yourself. (For example...go see that movie)
*Share a bit of yourself with people you LOVE.
(Without expecting something back in return)
*Meditate or pray.
*Practice being grateful.
(Even for the simplest, toothiest smile you get on the street )
*Be open to receive even a just little bit of as much as you give.
Let's not forget about boundaries. It is equally important to know not to give nor receive too much.
It takes a tremendous amount of courage to reach across the vast expanse, not knowing what is out there. If you do so with a little more availability, you will see the gifts waiting for you.
And again, I have to admit, when I reach out, you are there. You are such a gift. Thank you for being you.
LOVE your way!
Create a beautiful day.
T